Ready for More Confidence? Take Imperfect Action

THE CURSE OF INACTION

“Be a go-getter.”

“Be unstoppable.”

“Go after what you want, and don’t stop until you have it.”

I used to read phrases like this from my stack of self-help books, and imagine myself as a woman who made things happen. She’d be wearing a sheath dress, and be manicured, plucked, and moisturized. She’d feel confident from the moment she woke up until the moment she put her perfectly coiffed head down; drifting off into sleep dreaming of her next book deal. (In my imagination she was a writer who also happened to look like a supermodel. A girl can dream.)

I loved the idea of this woman. I wanted to be her. I knew if I had that kind of confidence then for sure I’d be able to fulfill my dream of being a writer.  

I’d imagine winning literary awards, and people coming up to me with tears in their eyes, clutching my books to their chests, and sobbing over how my writing changed their lives. Sigh. 

Yet I’d take absolutely no action at all to make this dream happen - except to start and give up on novels in notebooks.

All the while I was sinking deep into the folds of my cozy couch; bewildered at why opportunity wasn’t knocking on my door, mystified as to why my self-confidence was seriously lacking. 

When I was a kid, I belonged to the type of family that if the dance class you signed up for made you nervous, you dropped it. If you couldn’t keep up on the basketball court, rather than practice harder, you’d bow out. If you took a course that was too hard, you’d drop it too. I learned to avoid discomfort, and the hard work of going after something you want. 

As an adult, I’d get the courage up to send out a query letter and be wounded to the core from the rejection letter. I thought it meant I wasn’t meant to be a writer, even though I knew I was talented and wanted it so badly. I thought my lack of confidence was to blame, so I read a lot of self help books, got therapy, and did a shit ton of yoga. I became very flexible, but was still no closer to my dream. 

After years of frustration, I found coaching!

I learned to take imperfect action, and deal with all the messy feelings - fear of rejection, shame, disappointment - that came up from my thoughts. 

Duh. For some of you this is straightforward. For me, it was a revelation. 

I began writing Instagram posts, scripts for podcasts, blogs, speeches, workshops and video scripts. 

I realized getting what you want has nothing to do with confidence - and everything to do with being willing to take imperfect action. 

(As a side note: This is why I do what I do - coaching to help others overcome the pain of procrastination, doubt, and inaction. The world needs our glorious gifts to be released from the safety of the comfy couch so we can live our dreams.)

IMPERFECT ACTION

Confidence at its very heart is about showing up imperfectly; flawed, and willing to fail - especially in public. 

It’s about taking action.

What kind of action?

Imperfect action.

What does imperfect action look like?

• Getting up to the podium and speaking even though your voice is shaking. 

• Sending a pitch to be on a podcast even though you’ve never been on one.

• Doing an Instagram Takeover even though you think your life is boring and you feel too fat to be on video.

It’s about taking the next right step. Then the next step after that. And so on. It’s not sexy, but it gets results. 

And the small wins you get from taking the next right step start to give you more - Ta Da! - confidence. 

CONFIDENCE

When you take imperfect action over and over again, the results start to pour in, and you realize you feel - confident?! 

But strangely, it’s not how you expected it to feel. You expected it would feel like you’re in control, and everything’s in order, and happening the way you planned. (And you own a closet full of sheath dresses)

But surprise! You still feel like your messy self. The difference is that your messy self knows how to take action to get results. 

And that’s the secret. 

Your voice still shakes, the pitch is still hard to make, and you still feel boring and fat. Certainty is followed by doubt, followed by overwhelm, back to certainly, then on to fear. 

And you realize that confidence is simply a person who takes action, and manages all their human emotions that come up from trying to achieve something big. 

And you learn to be okay with that humaness. That messy, sad, weird humaness. And you might go so far as to celebrate that humaness with all the other messy, sad, weird humans. 

You realize confidence was in you all along. It was simply a matter of taking the next right step. No matter how small. No matter how awkward. No matter how much of a struggle. 

The next right step is always there for you to take. 

Go on. 

Take the next right step. 

Take the next imperfect action.

I’m confident you can do it.