7 Ways to Love Your Body
“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story - I will. I will speak and share and fuck and love, and I will never apologize to the frightened millions who resent that they never had it in them to do it. I stand here and I am amazing, for you. Not because of you. I am not who I sleep with. I am not my weight. I am not my mother. I am myself”.
- Amy Schumer
When I first read Amy’s line “I say if I’m beautiful” my thoughts went something like:
“What? We can do that? I thought we had to put all our time and energy into our appearance in the hopes that someone else would declare us beautiful, and therefore worthy of love. You mean I can just declare it myself? Right now? What the fuck, Amy? Why didn’t I know about this before?”
I decided then and there that I would declare myself beautiful, and then work on believing this thought.
I dove into discovering all the ways I could take back my power over my body and my relationship to it. It has been a startling, divine, revelatory experience, and I encourage everyone to dig deep into this practice of learning to love your own body.
It’s especially important, however, to be aware right now that loving our bodies and the skin we’re in, is also an issue of race.
In a society that values white skin more than black skin, the call to learn to love and accept your body is very different for Black Women and Women of Colour. They are not going to feel safe in their own skin until society makes massive changes towards racial equality and justice.
The movement toward body positivity and self love is growing, but it’s not something that we can put on our to do lists and check off when it’s done. Our bodies are always changing and so will our relationship to and thoughts about our bodies.
Learning to love and appreciate our bodies will be a lifelong process of learning and discovery.
Here are 7 ways to learn how to love your body and declare yourself beautiful:
Move your body.
Instead of valuing your body for how it looks, start to appreciate what your body can do. Take time to feel grateful for its ability to hold your head up high, hold a friend’s hand while they cry, or feel joy when dancing to your new favourite song.
Learn how to move in ways that makes you feel good: yoga, dance, boxing, walking, swimming. The list is endless.
Movement is not just for athletes and jocks, it’s to experience the pleasure of being alive and being a part of the world.
Push yourself to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I recently tried jogging and it felt like gravity was saying: “Why are you doing this? This is just wrong.” But I wasn’t in pain, I was just uncomfortable, so I kept going and felt so accomplished when I was done. Breaking a sweat is good for our loving hearts, our gorgeous brains, and our lungs that fill with life-affirming breath.
Normalize normal bodies.
Take a good look at your social media feeds, the shows you watch, and the magazines you bring home. Are they all filled with thin, white, supermodels?
It’s crucial to give yourself people to look at who look like you. Take time to go through your social media feed and delete people who make you feel envious, depressed, and unlovable. And start filling it up with people who celebrate their bodies in all sizes, shapes and colours.
I love all the women who are posting their flesh in all its glory, and writing about their body love journeys. Seek them out.
The same practice goes for making sure that your social media feed is filled with women of all races. Be intentional about what your brain sees on a regular basis. Recognize that mainstream media’s portrayal of the ideal women is white and thin. Challenge this notion in who you choose to follow.
Reject diet culture.
If you spend all your time, thoughts, money, and energy trying to shrink your body through diet, exercise, and potions, you don’t have energy left for your goals, plans, causes and adventures.
Dieting is a trap that keeps women focused on trying to make themselves smaller.
Diet culture and the diet industry spend billions to convince you that you aren’t good enough as you are right now.
Resist!! Instead of obsessing over how many calories are in a banana, make freakin’ banana bread and take on the world.
Learn how to process emotion in your body.
All day, every day, we experience countless feelings. It’s a normal part of being alive and human. Yet we so often push these feelings away by over eating or over drinking or over sleeping, because we don’t know how to process emotions and feelings - especially the negative ones like shame, embarrassment or disappointment.
Loving our bodies also means loving the feelings that go through our bodies. It means learning how to process our emotions.
Breathing through a feeling, reminding ourselves that feelings don’t last, reminding ourselves that it’s normal to feel ALL feelings. Telling ourselves that if we are experiencing a feeling like self doubt when we are reaching for a goal, that we’re capable of feeling it and taking action anyway. Asking ourselves to describe the feeling: Where is it in your body? What does it feel like? Is it moving?
What would a loving friend tell us right now? Can we tell ourselves that?
Learning how to feel our feelings is one of the biggest steps we can take toward loving ourselves and our bodies.
Consent.
I grew up in a time that consent was never talked about. Women’s bodies were the target of assaults, jokes, and unwanted touch. It was confusing, disempowering, and caused a lot of us to feel like our bodies did not belong to ourselves. Our bodies were for male appreciation and enjoyment. It was messed up, diminishing, and disassociating. For many women this trauma still exists, and I recommend counselling or therapy to delve into the past.
I’m encouraged that the Me Too Movement and consent is being talked about to both girls and boys at a young age.
Learning how to give and receive consent over how and when we want our bodies touched or not, is a huge part of body love.
You have a right to learn what you like, explore your body, and to not just consent, but to wholeheartedly and enthusiastically ask for what you want - or give it to yourself. This is powerful stuff.
Remember it’s far better to count orgasms, not calories!
Your body is not a problem.
We’ve been socialized to believe our bodies are a problem, and that we have problem areas. We don’t. Our bodies are one hundred percent loveable just as they are right this minute. But don’t beat yourself up if you’re having trouble believing this. It takes time and effort to change years of socialization.
If you have a negative judgment about your body like: “I have a terrible body”, try starting with a neutral thought: “I have a body.” This thought is one step up from the negative, critical thoughts of your body, yet does not expect you to change your thoughts completely.
You can work up to loving and believing in the beauty of your body.
Remember: you do not have a problem area. You have arms. You have legs. You have a stomach. A human stomach. Try neutral thoughts to begin your journey to loving your body.
The right to choose.
Loving your body means you have the right to choose what happens to your body - when to get pregnant, access to safe abortion, and access to information about your reproductive health.
Your body, your choice.
Learning to love your body is a bold, defiant, and courageous step toward loving yourself and your place in this world. You are beautiful. You are strong. Declare it yourself.
